There are some memories you cannot seem to shake.
They cling to every fiber, every thought. One such memory has cemented itself in my brain.
I still often wake up to it from dreams..nightmares really.
They cling to every fiber, every thought. One such memory has cemented itself in my brain.
I still often wake up to it from dreams..nightmares really.
7510 S. Wise Road.
I grew up there for a large portion of my childhood. I can see the house clearly.
I can feel it. I can smell it. Each time the bile rises to my throat.
I can feel it. I can smell it. Each time the bile rises to my throat.
I hate that house.
I hate the memories that reside there.
I hate it. I hate what it did to me. I hate how it still takes up space in my brain.
I hate how I can gasp awake, out of breath, and think I never escaped.
I hate how I can gasp awake, out of breath, and think I never escaped.
Shame, embarrassment, anger, disgust.
7510 S. Wise Road.
The walkway that was often filled of cat feces.
The garage. Hoarders dream.
The kitchen without flooring. Rough wood with splinters.
The sink with the 5 gallon bucket underneath.
Every time I did the dishes I would haul the water out to dump so it would not splash over my feet.
The sink with the 5 gallon bucket underneath.
Every time I did the dishes I would haul the water out to dump so it would not splash over my feet.
My room. Mice often sneaking in through the laundry room, hiding in my closet.
The living room where he always was.
Staring at the tv. Never bothering to wear clothing except for off stained tightie whities.
What grown man wears white underwear. Repulsive man who did not work.
Instead sat in those underwear. The image burned in my mind.
Staring at the tv. Never bothering to wear clothing except for off stained tightie whities.
What grown man wears white underwear. Repulsive man who did not work.
Instead sat in those underwear. The image burned in my mind.
The bathroom. Almost as wrenching as the him.
The toilet that couldn’t flush unless you used another 5 gallon bucket.
The smell of urine and human waste wafting through the rest of the house.
The toilet that couldn’t flush unless you used another 5 gallon bucket.
The smell of urine and human waste wafting through the rest of the house.
I hate that house.
Ironically sitting on Wise Road.
20 years later I realize.
It did make me wise.
Wise..I will never live like that. I will never live with someone like him.
Wise.. I will persevere through any challenge. I will beat the odds.
Wise..I will kick and scream and fight and dig out of any trench.
Wise..I will use those memories to serve children, families through my career.
Wise.. I will have compassion and empathy that can only come through experiences.
7510 S. Wise Road.
Wise, indeed.
As much as I hate this chapter I realize it wrote the pages of the future.
