Homemade Gifts

For almost 13 years I have gotten some sort of homemade gift at Christmas from my daughter, Lauren. Sometimes they were ornaments. Other times random drawings. I have the teddy bear print from early elementary, snowflakes with her picture, and other mementos made at home or school. These handcrafted gifts of love are perks of the mom job. They are priceless. Priceless. Just thinking back about these gifts makes my eyes tear up and my heart swell.

Today a conversation with Lauren hit me hard. I was not prepared. I do not think I could prepare. And my heart...my heart hurt. It is silly. Very silly. My brain knows that it is petty and silly, however, my heart broke a little. My 48 minute commute home from work was filled with tears. Sobbing, messy, blotchy tears. Most of all SELFISH tears.

My daughter is in year long art class. They have been working with fused and stained glass this semester. Lauren has been full of excitement. She has busily been crafting a very special gift for her Mimi and.....

And her dad's new girlfriend.

Ouch...

On the phone she exclaimed that she was giving the pendant she made in art class to her dad's girlfriend  for a Christmas gift to impress her.

Insert my jealousy and broken heart here...right HERE.

That fused glass pendant should be mine. I am the mom. I'm here for the tantrums over nothing to wear, the eye rolling, the crying, the door slamming, the countless groans....

I get the handmaid gifts of love.

I'm the mom though. So I smile and say, "oh how pretty. Let's get a chain and a cute box to put it in." Because I am the mom. And that is what moms are supposed to do.

And so my heart hurts. I am selfish. I secretly think...this girlfriend better wear this necklace every day and love it forever.

Moving on..turning each new page.. it is hard. No books, practice, self talk, prepares me for these little encounters that I navigate. 

So I cry on my 48 minute commute home, pull myself together, and embrace momness...

And help wrap the homemade necklace.