Will the Other Shoe Drop?

I am in a really good spot in my life right now. My daughter is doing well, my job is challenging but rewarding, my health is starting to move forward, I am learning to be financially stable, I am emotionally stable.

So why then do I hold my breath? Waiting for something to blow up? Cautious and disbelieving?

I think when you grow up unstable and run into obstacles turn after turn your brain becomes programmed to anticipate the bad. I think you also start to look for ways to self-sabotage the good, to keep looking for something….anything to create havoc in your utopian stage. 

I hate that. I don’t want to do that.  I want to breathe. I want to give up control. I want to soak in the seconds of happiness and bliss.

I want to kick off the shoe that I think might drop and instead prance even dance around barefoot. 

So how then do I reprogram my brain to do just that?

Trust.

Trust.

Trust.

To me that can be a bad, bad word. It takes so much to trust. Trusting yourself, others, the cosmos, universe, etc.

If I give up control and just trust, then something is going to happen.

I could get hurt.

I might have to breathe, go with the flow.

I could get hurt.

Over the years I have practiced the art of numb. I have let guards and walls up. I have not opened my heart to trust the journey…trust the process…to see what happens.

Control equates safety. Trust is an unknown.

So, this chapter I am slowly working on that thing. 

Thank big ol’ scary TRUST.

And if the other shoe drops, I guess that means it is time to go shoe shopping!