I Need What?!

I Need What?!?!?

Talk about a life altering learning moment this week. On Wednesday I was taking a long walk to reset my brain. During these walks I enjoy listening to podcasts. Brene Brown’s Unlocking Us is back from summer break and the episode I chose featured the Gottman’s speaking on the Love Prescription. 

(I love Brene and the Gottman’s. If you have no idea what  I am speaking of please google ASAP.)

Cruising along on my walk and about 15 minutes into listening I am crying. Big, real tears just rolling on down. 

<---Walking, crying, staring at this view

This piece of the cast was on “giving and receiving love.” 

Julie Gottman’s voice, “sometimes folks have just as hard of a time receiving love as they do giving it.”

Pause and rewind right there…

“Sometimes folks have just as hard of a time receiving love as they do giving it.”

These people have gone through life acting as though they have no needs…so when someone suggests you need love your wall gets higher and thicker. 

Julie Gottman, you don’t know me….

How dare you suggest I need love.

Little louder for those in the back…

HOW DARE YOU TRY TO GIVE ME SOMETHING I DO NOT NEED?!

Julie goes on to discuss the feelings that arise when someone suggests they want to give you love because you have been pretty successful at hiding the particular need.

I relistened to that one-minute segment 7 times on my walk. 

That is me, my brain screams to me. 

THAT. IS. ME.

The last 15ish years of my life has been about understanding people. I was a therapist for Pete's sake. Why? Why am I just having this epiphany at 40 years old???

Nothing has worked..failed marriage, sporadic dating, yet my heart has never allowed me to think aloud or believe that I need love. 

I take care of myself, I am independent, I am strong willed, I am resilient.

Despite that I need love?

I need love?

I need it?

No longer a question in my mind.

I need love.

Period.

No longer a question but a statement. 

One I do not yet have the courage to say aloud, but that I am giving permission to sit in my heart and in my brain.

And learning that the  need is ok…

However, terrifying it is to no longer hide.

Yikes…

Here comes a page turner…big chapter..Happy Ending??? (Let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves ;)